And, which of the two partners is to blame?
There is no guilt anywhere.
And he offers and she offers. He offers with reason, she offers with the soul.
He always seeks to give her solutions to all the problems she faces and to give her explanations when she is not satisfied with him.
She takes care of him, exaggerates with questions and advice and spreads her affection in his space.
Basically they both have the same needs.
The woman needs obedience, reassurance and support because he, the chosen one, is the only one who can offer her love.
The man needs her confidence, appreciation, and a lot of space around him. Space where he can spread his thoughts and arrange the puzzle pieces until the problems are solved.
Both he and she are put in front of the «new». And as long as only one is willing to learn, the whole thing is zero. The pain and dissatisfaction remain somewhere. Because desire must come from both sides, there is always a need for change on both sides.
Men associated with elastics and women associated with waves
An elastic to stretch long. Then you intend to let it go, it will hit you depending on how wide it is. The longer the elastic stretches, the faster it will come back. The farther away the men are, the faster they return.
There is also the phenomenon of «withdrawal» of men. When intimacy reaches its peak, there is a need for distance. And she must be accepted by the woman. No hysteria and no panic. A woman does not know that he can have reasons and he is sure. His mistake is that he does not assure her that he will return to her and everything will be fine. The solution is deduced.
Women are like waves. When the wave reaches the top they are well disposed, confident and feel beautiful. Then they have the world at their feet. When the wave decreases as in a valley they are turned upside down, depressed, unhappy, angry. The man is confused and normal. The woman should feel this way because she has reached a maximum point of happiness and must descend to the valley in order to resume the flow from the beginning.
Coming back to him … he tries to tell her that he has no reason to worry, that he has everything she needs to feel fulfilled. And now she begins not to feel affection and interest again and repeats everything in a vicious circle.
John Gray gives us a simple explanation: «It’s not always sunny and warm, we don’t always feel happy.»
She needs his love and that’s it. And he needs to understand that so that she can then give him the space and time he needs to get the same hop together.
«The simple thing is that we work differently, but the key is that we have to penetrate as much as possible with our minds the differences between us, in order to be able to offer not what we need, but what we need to those around us.»